The beautiful relationship: why putting your heart into it rules the world
Author: David Shaw

There are many beautiful things about being single again - foremost among them is the opportunity. The community in which you were raised did not come about through individuals. Your country has never won a population race. You can be with whatever partner you love unconditionally and feel for them without shame or fear of reprisal. Your tradition-crazed family has not arranged you into an unwanted-yet-inescapable marriage. You are a person, in the purest sense of the word. So with being free - and being free is the perfect stage to make choices (no, once in a relationship, with its collection of boutique considerations, there're not the same options) - you can expect to spend the time in paradise. That's me.

The world of being with a partner is the one I want to live. I cannot resist its caring and high-mindedness, the personal display of individual characteristics, the revelation of deep human flaws and unexpected greatnesses, the fact that people stay up till all hours and cross oceans. There are friends cheering you on (Blessedly talented.) There are dogs needing walks. Music plays with new meaning: "how to dismantle an atomic bomb," "all the right reasons," "st. anger," "contraband," and "have a nice day." People put themselves out and cry openly at defeat. Quoting the book that appears in many motel rooms: "Rejoice, and be exceedingly glad: for great is your reward in heaven." Or, as some say: "Are you ready?" Ready to learn about someone fresh, marvel at their sensitivity, strength, and intelligence, listening to their story, ready to become part of it? Ready for realizing your equal on all levels, emotionally, intellectually, sexually and spiritually, and values? Ready for the excitement of growing closeness, intrigue and marvel? Ready for another moment in a Utopian world?

You bet I'm ready.

Commonness of putting your heart in it isn't surprising when you look at what has always motivated humanity: comfort and pleasure. There's comfort in sharing, of course. Basically the childlike desire to make dreams come true, no matter what the cost, realized by people already comfortable to combine can put together-an unfair situation that describes much of the world these days. But the divine's there, too. What is putting your heart in it if not everything that pleasure should be? Universal yet particular is the source of an infinitely renewable supply of hope, occasionally miraculous, and governed by basic rules. Relationship rules are rules of equality and non-violence and restraint, and free to be thrown-out at discretion. You can negotiate any of them in order to apply what could be mystically called "fairness."

The pleasurable undercurrent in a relationship runs especially deep when first setting out. Two people converge through some commonality in something of an ice-breaking, communicative testing of the water. As in testing-the-water, there's an expectation small adjustments will be needed. Situations have a way of showing the true person; piece-by-piece the whole person takes shape. There's a thrill in learning about someone new, what's common and what's not, realizing differences are natural - differences create another wonderful dimension.

Messing about, getting to know - the good, bad and ugly, and the wonderful - some adventure, is all part of it. There's a weird power in being open. One may find a level of progress disproportionate to their usual experience, triumphing over Murphy's Law, as if exerting a gravitational pull on the beginning relationship, causing it to go the way they want it. Interestingly there may be a deep-down feeling, which you can't put your finger on and then bam it hits you - it's not only words that describe a person, it's more so those actions that give you little tingles. Listen to your gut, it speaks volumes.

It's well known that relationships can provoke conflict - mental and physical abuse in unhealthy situations. But putting your heart into it has also proved unique in its ability to bridge differences and overturn prejudices.

Why? Putting your heart into it universality is its simplicity - the fact that the relationship can be initiated and developed anywhere with anyone. Activities you do whilst meeting paint the scene, the characters and landscape, of things to come. Putting your heart into it is something to believe in now, perhaps empty at its core, but not a substitute for anything else.

The beautiful relationship - let's call it comfort and passion combined - will be at its most unfair, frustrating, and magnificent while getting to know someone who really matters. And what makes the putting your heart into it most beautiful is the world, all of us together. The joy of being one of the millions and more people putting their heart's into it fills me with the belief, perhaps ignorant, but like many ignorant convictions, tightly held, that such relationships unite us all.

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